MercatorNet: FOCUS ON COURTSHIP & MARRIAGE The dating game
Answer: Dating and courtship are two methods of beginning relationships with Courtship takes the position that the two people have no physical contact at all. The concept of dating is relatively new. From a Catholic perspective, dating allows Catholic singles to discern whether it is the Lord's will for. Since most of the church doesn't teach on this subject, a vacuum exists I have taught each of my five children the difference between dating.
In other words, go to movies, go out for dinner or coffee, but do so in well-populated areas where there are always adults nearby. You do not have to drag your mother along, but keep to public places. If your potential suitor wishes to talk privately, discussion can take place in a restaurant booth. If your potential suitor wants to go somewhere quiet with you, find a nice concert hall or museum. You can talk privately and spend quiet time together in these places, because the people around you will not notice when you do exactly that — spend quiet time together and talk privately.
The same people, however, will notice if this is not what you are doing. This is why you are infinitely less likely to morally compromise yourself when adults are nearby. Zero tolerance for violence One punch is one too many.
If your potential suitor hits or physically abuses you once, it will happen again. In all my experiences, I have never seen physical abuse end with one incident, unless the victim ended the relationship after that one incident.
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So if you get punched, either get rid of the person immediately or prepare yourself for future abuse. Your potential suitor will say the violence was accidental because he was angry, and he may apologise, profess his love, and promise you it will never happen again.
He probably means it and intends to follow through. If he hits you once, however, he is not in control of his temper. Until he gets help and brings his temper under control, he is in no condition to court. Therefore, out of Christian charity you should forgive him; however, out of this same love you need to dump him and carefully tell him the truth: Until he gets counselling for his violent temper, he is not ready to court. Just say no Learn to say no. This applies to any situation in which you believe your potential suitor is leading you to compromise your moral standards.
Again, most teenagers do not go out looking for compromising situations; rather these situations arise because adolescence is an awkward time when young people are trying to fit in, which leads to a certain group mentality taking over. Be an individual, and learn to say no in awkward situations.
No pornography If your potential suitor is into pornography, either he ditches it or you ditch him. This may seem like a harmless activity, but from my experience I have come to realise just how unhealthy are the expectations pornography creates in marriage.
It severely undermines the marriage covenant because one spouse looks upon the other as an object of pleasure, rather than as a spouse. Quite often, the addicted spouse gets bored with the other after a year or two, and as a result pressures the other spouse into doing the same things witnessed in those filthy magazines.
In marriage a couple give themselves over to each other totally. This means physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically.
Spiritually, however, pornography can, and often will, prevent a true marriage from being entered into. In short, pornography creates mental, emotional, spiritual, and psychological barriers that prevent one spouse from totally giving himself over to the other.
Pornography fragments the focus of one's sexual desire, and thus one no longer focuses exclusively on one's spouse. In other words, pornography splits your focus between your spouse and other people. You are a very special person This is the gentlest way I could think of to introduce the subject of "fat and ugly" comments.
Nevertheless, this is something I witnessed all the time as a teenager, as well as something I regularly come across now in my work. Many teenagers are pressured to compromise their moral virtue because their date tells them they are fat, ugly, goofy, or some other derogatory comment, which plays off adolescent insecurity. Girls are particularly vulnerable to this tactic, especially when they come from one of the following backgrounds: Often, such an adolescent becomes desperate to latch on to the first potential suitor who gives him or her the slightest attention.
Using the example of a teenage girl, the boyfriend will assure her he loves her, while asserting that nobody else will date her because she is overweight, unattractive, socially inept, or some other reason. If she does not wish to lose him, he states, she must prove her love for him by engaging in premarital sexual relations.
The concept of dating is about as old as the automobile. Nowadays we are so used to it that we might not be able to imagine any other approach to relationships. But back before the car, the reason why a man would invest time with a woman was to see if she was a potential marriage partner.
The reason he expressed romantic interest was to woo her toward that lifelong commitment. This process usually took place within the context of family activities.
Courting vs Dating (Top 4 Differences Between Courtship and Dating)
When the car was invented, this courting could be divorced from spending time with family because the couple could leave the family behind. Soon, the whole point of spending time together shifted from discernment of marriage to wooing for the sake of wooing.
Many people would begin a relationship simply because they found the other to be cute and fun. This put a new spin on the focus of relationships, and short-term relationships became commonplace. With this mentality, a person who dates successfully breaks up with everyone in his life except for one person and this is supposed to be good preparation for a successful marriage. Of course, the majority of relationships do not end in marriage, but some become so intimate and intense that the couple might as well be married.
If a breakup occurs, then they experience a sort of emotional divorce. It is not uncommon that by the time a person is married, he feels like he has already been through five divorces. Am I supposed to shelter myself, put walls around my heart, and forget having a social life? The alternative is to rethink the way we approach relationships.
What is the difference between dating and courting?
Whether we admit it or not, the world has molded our views of preparing for marriage. We need to seriously ask ourselves: Perhaps you are burned out from the dating scene anyway, and could use a breath of fresh air.
Either way, I suggest a return to the principles of courtship. When I first heard of the resurgence of Christian courtship, I was skeptical.